50 Nurse Jokes to Cure Your Funny Bone!

Are you ready to nurse your funny bone back to health? We’ve got an IV drip of laughter coming your way with these 50 hilarious nurse jokes! Get ready to chuckle, snort, and maybe even laugh so hard you’ll need a band-aid for your sides. These nurse jokes are guaranteed to inject some humor into your day and make you say, “Nurse, I can’t stop laughing!”

So sit back, relax, and prepare for a dose of comedy that’s just what the doctor ordered. Let’s dive right in and get those giggles flowing like a well-drawn blood sample!

Nurse Jokes

1- Q: What sets apart an oral thermometer from a rectal thermometer?
A: The Taste.

2- Q: What was the nurse’s response when questioned about whether an apple a day keeps the doctor away?
A: “Absolutely, if your aim is spot on.”

3- How do nurses feel when they reminisce about their early days at the hospital?
They experience a sense of nursetalgia.

4- Have you heard about the nurse who lost his entire left side?
Don’t worry, he ended up being alright.

5- Q: What did Dracula request to the nurse?
A: “Could you please call the doctor? I can’t stop coffin.”

6- Q: How can you tell that a nurse is having an unpleasant day?
A: She won’t stop needling people.

7- Q: What comment did the nurse make to the man who passed out at the airport terminal?
A: “I suspect you might be dealing with a terminal illness.”

Q: What advice did the experienced nurse offer to the young nurse about to administer their first injection?
A: “Just give it your best shot.”

8- Q: How do you compliment a nurse who gives a painless injection?
A: You say, “Great jab!”

9- Why do nurses move stealthily during the night?
To avoid disturbing the sleeping pills.

10- Q: What was the reason behind one nurse not finding the other nurse’s joke amusing?
A: She had an irony deficiency.

11- Q: What was the nurse’s message to the rocket ship?
A: “It’s time for your booster shot now.”

12- What do you call an alligators nurse?

13- I kept trying to playing hide-and-seek with the Nurses at the hospital but they kept finding me in the ICU.

14- Nurse: “Is there anything else I can assist you with?”
Patient: “How about a million dollars!”

15- Q: What did the blood donor say to the nurse?
A: “I’m incredibly fatigued; this process is quite draining.”

16- Q: What was the reason for the nurse’s anger?
A: She became upset because she ran out of patients.

17- Q: What motivates a nurse to move at the speed of light?
A: Either a bed alarm or fresh coffee in the breakroom

18- What did the nurse say to the medicine maker when he got sick?
Let me give you a taste of your own medicine.

19- Q: Why did the computer ask the nurse to call the doctor immediately?
A: Because it had a virus.

20- What did the cookie say to the nurse?

I am feeling crumby.

21- Q: What’s the reason you should never upset a pediatric nurse?
A: Because their level of patience is quite limited.

22- Q: Why do nurses need a red crayon?
A: So they can draw blood!

23- What was the nurse’s reply when a patient claimed to have swallowed a watch?
She said, “This medicine should assist in passing the time.”

24- Nurse to Banana: What is wrong with you?
A: “I’ve come to visit the doctor because I’m not peeling well.”

25- What was the reason Mr. Peanut visited the hospital?
Because he was a-salted.

26- When the senior nurse inquired about nitrates, what was the response of the new night nurse? “

Are they more cheaper in comparison to day rates.

27- A man arrives at the hospital with a carrot lodged in his nose.
The nurse informs him that he’s not eating properly.

28- Nurse: I regret to inform you that you have a broken leg and memory loss.
Patient: Well, at least I don’t have a broken leg.

29- My friend went out on a date with a cardiovascular nurse. His heart was racing the whole time.

30- A ghost inquired, “Nurse, could you please inform me about the results of the X-ray of my head?”
“Without a doubt,” she responded, “it shows absolutely nothing.”

31- Nurse, how is my friend who swallowed a bag of coins?
The Nurse replies “I’m sorry to say, there hasn’t been any change yet,”

32- Patient: Whenever I drink tea, I experience a sharp pain in my eye.
Nurse: Make sure to remove the spoon before you drink.

33- What did the mattress say to the nurse?
“I believe I’ve got spring fever.”

34- What words did the nurse use to reassure the anxious patient at the blood bank?
“B positive.”

35- What term would you use for a nurse who prioritizes her own concerns over the well-being of her patients?

36- Nurse to Patient: When you have a bladder infection, Ur-ine trouble.

37- Knock knock
Who’s there?
I’m sorry, I can’t disclose that information.

38- Nurse: Doctor, there’s a man in the waiting room who believes he’s invisible.
Doctor: Inform him that I’m can’t see him.

39- The nurse who can maintain a smile even when things go wrong is most likely about to finish their shift.

40- A man speaks in a panic over the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are just two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” the nurse inquires.
“No! It’s her husband!”

41- What did the nurse say when she discovered a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
“Some asshole has my pen!”

42- I requested my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight… to make my fantasy of having proper healthcare come true.

43- Nurse: Apologies for the delay.
Me: That’s alright, I’m patient.

44- Little girl at the hospital: “Nurse, you’ve been so nice and caring to me. Could you please come visit me when I leave the hospital?”
Nurse: “I’m not so fond of graveyards, to be honest.”


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45- Doctor to a nurse, “Did you take this patient’s temperature?”
Nurse, “No. Why is it missing?”

46- Patient to nurse, “Will I be able to play the guitar after this operation?”
Nurse, “Yes, definately.”
Patient “That’s great because I couldn’t before.”

47- What is the opposite of you’re out?

48- Nurse: I have some good news and some bad news. Don’t worry I’ll give the good news to your widow.

49- Where do boats go when they are sick?
To the dock.

50- Patient: What is the proper way to use a stress ball?
Nurse: Throw it at the last person who made you mad.

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