50 Bar Jokes for a Boozy, Hilarious Happy Hour

There’s nothing quite like a happy hour at your favorite bar—a time to unwind, relax, and enjoy some good company. And what better way to add an extra dose of fun to your gathering than with a collection of funny bar jokes? Get ready to raise your glass and burst into laughter as we present 50 bar jokes that are guaranteed to make your happy hour even happier. From puns to one-liners, these bar jokes are crafted to bring a smile to your face and make your spirits soar.

So grab a drink, settle in, and let the laughter flow!

Bar Jokes

1- Two dragons walk into a bar.
The first one says, “It sure is hot in here.”
His friend snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”

2- Two termites walk into a bar.
One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

3- Why did the woman bring a ladder to the bar?
Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

4- A horse walks into a bar. The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells, “Hey!”The horse says, “You read my mind, buddy.”

5- Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, “I’ll have an H2O please”
The second scientist says, “I’ll have an H2O too.” The second scientist died.

6- A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink.
When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, “Bartender, how much do I owe you?” The bartender replies, “For you, neutron, no charge.”

7- A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: “I’ll have a Gin and… Tonic.”
The bartender asks, “Why the big pause?”
And the polar bear replies, “I don’t know, I’ve always had them.”

8- A tennis ball walks into a bar. The barman says, “Have you been served?”

9- A sandwich walks into a bar. The landlord says, “Sorry sir, we don’t serve food here.”

10- A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a pint and a mop.”

11- A cornstalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Want to hear a joke?” The corn stalk replies, “I’m all ears!”

12- An amnesiac walks into a bar.
He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”

13- A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem.
He tells the bartender, “Give me two shots of…” The bartender cuts him off saying, “You only get one shot.”

14- A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs, and swings him around in a circle.
The bartender says, “Hey buddy, what are you doing?” And the blind man says, “Don’t mind me, I’m just looking around.”

15- A crab walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a pint please, but if I’m not satisfied with it, I’d like to be compensated with ten bottles of champagne.” The bartender says, “Why the big clause?”

16- Who do ghosts like to haunt bars?
Free boos.

17- A beaver walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Close the dam door!”

18- A Frenchman walks into a bar with a cat on his shoulder.
The cat is wearing a little baseball cap. “Hey, that’s neat,” says the bartender. “Where did you get that?”
“France,” the kitty says. “They’ve got millions of them!”

19- An Irish man walked out of a bar.

20- The past, present, and future walk into a bar…
It was tense.

21- A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He asks for one beer, and one for the road.

22- E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”

23- A pun walks into a bar, and ten people drop dead.
Pun in, ten dead.

24- A cat walks into a bar and orders a glass of water. The bartender asks, “Are you going to drink it, or just knock it over on purpose?”

25- What do you call a guy who’s had too much to drink?
A cab.

26- The barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”
A time traveler walks into a bar.

27- A brain walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. The bartender says, “I’m not serving you, you’re out of your skull!”

28- A book walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Please, no stories!”

29- Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar.
And doesn’t.

30- Bill Gates walks into a bar. Everyone inside suddenly becomes a millionaire on average.

31- A guy walks out of a bar on the moon, complaining “The drinks were ok but there is no atmosphere.”

32- ƒ(x) walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t cater for functions.”

33- A guy walks into a bar and throws a prawn cocktail at the bartender.
“And that’s just for starters”, he says.

34- What do two condoms say when walking past a gay bar.
Wanna go get shit-faced?

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35- A North Korean walks into a bar and the bartender says, “How’s it going?”
The North Korean says, “Can’t complain.”

36- A snake walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “How the hell did you do that?”

37- An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman, a Frenchman, a German, an Italian, a Swede, two Finns, a Norwegian, a Dane, a Greenlander, an Austrian, a Hungarian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Latvian, an Estonian, a Russian, a Turk, an Egyptian, a Palestinian, an Israeli, a Greek, a Macedonian, a Moldovan, a Chinese guy, a Japanese guy, a Laotian, a Vietnamese guy, a Cambodian, a North Korean, a South Korean, an American, a Mexican, a Canadian, a Brazilian, an Australian, a New Zealander, a South African, a Libyan, a Moroccan, a Spaniard and a Cuban try to walk into a fancy cocktail bar.

The bouncer says, ‘Sorry, lads… you can’t come in without a Thai.’

38- A ghost walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits.”

39- Why didn’t the bartender serve the snake?
Because he couldn’t hold his beer.

40- Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve bacteria here.” The bacteria say, “But we work here, we’re staph.”

41- A screwdriver rolls into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The screwdriver squeals, “You have a drink named Philip??”

42- Two antennae met in a bar, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

43- A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
So she gets a divorce.

44- So three lazy stereotypes walk into a bar.
You know what they’re like.

45- A dyslexic man walks into a bra…

46- A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”

47- A non-renewable natural resource walks into a bar and orders a tall glass of whiskey.
The bartender says, “Sorry friend, I can’t serve you; you’ve been getting wasted all day long!”

48- Three vampires walk into a bar.
The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.”
The second one says, “I’ll have one, too.”
The third one says, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.”
The bartender says, “So, that’ll be two bloods and a blood lite?”

49- Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

50- A guy was in a bar drinking beer.
He would finish his beer, pull out his wallet and look at a picture of his wife, order another beer, take out his wallet, and look at a picture of his wife.
He did this several times.
Finally, the bartender asks, why after you finish a beer you take out your wallet and look at a picture of your wife.
The guy says, “As soon as she starts looking better at me, I go home.”

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