55 Hilarious Marriage Jokes That Will Make You Doubt Your ‘I Do’

Tying the Knot with Laughter: Marriage Jokes Guaranteed to Keep You Entertained

Marriage is a beautiful journey filled with love, commitment, and a whole lot of humor. From the moment you say “I do,” you embark on an adventure that is guaranteed to bring laughter into your life. To celebrate the hilarious side of married life and married memes, we’ve compiled a collection of marriage jokes that will have you questioning your decision to tie the knot.

They say that laughter is the best medicine, and when it comes to marriage, a good sense of humor can certainly help keep the flame alive. So, the next time you find yourself questioning your ‘I do,’ just remember that sometimes a little laughter is all you need to bring back the spark. After all, as they say, a marriage without a sense of humor is like a car without gas – it won’t get you very far.

1- Husband: I had a terrible row with my wife last night. But she crawled to me on her knees in the end.
Friend: Wow, that’s really impressive! What did she say?!
Husband: “Come out from under that sofa, you coward!”

2- The other day, my wife asked me to pass her the lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me now.

3- The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

4- Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

5- Q: Why did the dead man divorce his dead wife?
A: Because she was frigid.

6- A wife texts her husband on a cold winter morning, “Windows frozen, won’t open.” The husband texts back, “Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and tap the edges with a hammer.” The wife texts back five minutes later, “Computer really messed up now.”

7- She: “Honey, I don’t like you with the new glasses on.”
He: “But sweetheart, I don’t wear any glasses.”
She: “True, but I do.”

8- Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Honey bee!
Honey bee who?
Honey bee a dear and get me a soda!

9- Police Inspector: Why didn’t you report your stolen credit card?
Husband: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Inspector: Then why are you reporting it now?
Husband: I think now the thief’s wife has started using it

10- I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes. She fantasizes about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.

11- Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?
Wife: The table was too heavy.

12- I play the world’s most dangerous sport.
I disagree with my wife.

13- Wife: It’s our anniversary, darling. How do you suggest we celebrate?
Husband: With a minute of silence?

14- I asked my wife which she liked better, my face or my body?
She said, “Your sense of humor.”

15- Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

16- I felt incomplete until I married you. Now I’m finished.

17- Height of misunderstanding:
A man married his own secretary thinking that she will still follow his orders as before !!

18- The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.

19- Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They’re hard to get started, they emit foul odors, and they don’t work half the time!

20- Marrying someone for their good looks is like buying a house for the paint color.

21- My wife always prefers the stairs, whereas I always like to take the elevator. I guess we are raised differently.

22- Wife: Let’s go out and have fun tonight!
Husband: Okay but, if you get back before me, leave the light on.

23- Marriage is full of surprises, but it’s mostly just asking each other, “Do you have to do that right now?”

24- Once you’re married, people stop asking about your sex life.
They know you don’t have one.

25- Husband: I need space…
Wife: Join NASA..

26- Doc to lady: Any history of insanity in the family ?
Lady: Yes… My husband thinks he is the Boss of the house!!!

27- Optimist (Noun): A man who leaves the engine running when his wife says she’s just going to run inside the shop to grab a bottle of milk.

28- Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant.
Husband: Hi, Pregnant! I’m dad.
Wife: No, you’re not.’

29- What is the difference between welding and wedding
In welding there are sparks first and bonding forever, , whereas in wedding there is bonding first and sparks forever

30- “I love you,” she said.
“Is that you talking,” I asked, “Or the wine?”
“It’s me talking to the wine.”

31- Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, “My wife is an angel.” The second man says, “You’re lucky! Mine’s still alive.”

32- Why do wives use twice as many words as their husbands?
Because they always have to repeat themselves.

33- I once fell in love with a girl who only knew 4 vowels. She didn’t know I existed.

34- Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.

35- My husband and I have agreed to never go to bed angry with each other.
So far, we’ve been up for three days.

36- Knock Knock
Who’s there?
The love of your life!
Liar, you know chocolate can’t speak.

37- Wife starts with a “W”
Because all questions start with a “W”

38- Wife dreaming… and she suddenly shouts “Quick, my husband is back”… Husband gets up in lightning speed & jumps out of the window.

39- Every morning I like to remind my wife who’s in charge by holding a mirror up to her face.

40- Wife: I have changed my mind
Husband: Is it working now?

41- I can remember when I got married and I can remember where I got married.
For the life of me, I can’t remember why I got married.

42- Q: If love is “grand,” what is divorce?
A: A hundred grand, or more.

43- My wife and I have decided we don’t want kids.
If you’re interested, please contact us immediately to arrange dropping them off.

44- If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single.
Once you’re married, you can’t even change the television channel.

45- Husband and Wife jokes
Maximum wives hate their husband’s friends…!!!
Maximum husbands love their wife’s friends…!!!
…..Men are generally nice…..

46- I saw my wife putting on her sexy underwear this morning. This can only mean one thing.
It’s laundry day.

47- My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day, so I told him I’d start lying to my wife.

48- Scientists have finally found out what a woman wants. Unfortunately, she changed her mind since then.

49- We both said “I do,” and we haven’t agreed on a single thing since.

50- When my wife and I argue, I always get the last word.
They’re usually, “I’m sorry. You’re right.”

51 – Why did the husband bring a ladder to bed?
Because he heard the marriage was on the rocks!

52 – My wife says I never listen… or something like that.

53 – My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!

54 – What do you call a fruit that cannot get married?

A cant-elope.

55 – How do you remember your wedding anniversary?

Forget it once.

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