ChameleonMemes
Medieval Jokes That Will Cure Your Sorrow with Laughter
Life in the Middle Ages was full of challenges, but it also had its fair share of humor(Medieval Jokes). From knights and damsels to court jesters and bards, the medieval period was rife with comedic tales, witty banter and Medieval Jokes.
In this article, we present medieval jokes that will transport you back in time and tickle your funny bone. Get ready to laugh out loud as we delve into the jests and japes of the medieval jokes!
1- What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? You call that person Aerosmith!
2- Last night, I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish while I went to the bar…
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armor.
3- I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store… That was a royal pane in the ass.
4- What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
5- what do you call a medieval french man covered in sperm
circumference
6- Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
7- I googled ‘lost medieval servant boy’…
The result was ‘This page cannot be found.’
8- What was Camelot famous for?
It’s knight life.
9- What do you call a tipsy bard from the Middle Ages?
Ale-speare.
10- Elon Musk has been captured by a fellow billionaire and is now trapped in a medieval rack.
He is to henceforth be known as Elon Gates.
11- When does a medieval soldier sleep?
During knight time.
12- What would Hamlet wear if he were alive now?
Probably t-shirts saying “2B or not 2B”!
13- Me and my friends argued all day what to call a medieval soldier
But it was getting late, so we called it a knight
14- What is the name of a medieval knight who is always confident?
Sir Tainly.
15- Why were the Medieval centuries known as the Dark Ages?
It was the knight time
16- What did Kings and Queens call the game of musical chairs in the medieval ages?
They called it the ‘Game of Thrones’!
17- What punishment did legs receive in medieval times?
They were decapita-shin-ed.
18- What happened when King Arthur tried to get pull the sword from the stone?
His mother scolded him for playing with sharp objects!
19- The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
20- How often do brave knights say a prayer before battle?
Once upon a time!
21- I wanted to name my soon to be born son Lance. My wife disagreed. She said Lance is too dated a name. I replied that since medieval times people have being called
Lance a lot.
22- What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds?
He is called Sir Face!
23- Why was the court jester almost executed?
Because the Queen didn’t find the joke funny until the last moment!
24- Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings – The Starry Knight.
25- Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese?
Because the cheese was extra sharp!
26- There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
27- My favorite holiday song is the one about the medieval warriors. One of them doesn’t talk and the other’s armor is falling apart.
Silent Knight, Holey Knight.
28- A knight who was always late would often apologise with the phrase “I’ve just knighted.”
29- Why was the 10 year-old medieval peasant depressed?
He was going through his midlife crisis.
30- How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages?
They would hide the treasure by dragon them to a safe location.
31- What’s the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
32- What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m’lady
33- My buddy was into medieval things, so I asked if he had ever been poked by a lance,
He said “no but I was once lightly caressed by a Stephen”
34- What was the king’s reaction when he heard about the peasants’ revolt?
He agreed with them, as they never bathed and always smelled bad.
35- What do you call it when the medieval warrior’s horse has a bad dream?
A knightmare.
36- Back in medieval times King Arthur had a knight that collected taxes
His name was Sir Charge
37- What do you call a medieval knight who is available for hire?
You can call him a freelancer!
38- Did you hear about the medieval cooking competition?
It was full of fierce enchiladas!
39- Why were medieval knights experts in taking selfies?
Because they knew how to hold a stable selfie stick!
40- Why did the dragon spare the medieval knight?
Because he didn’t want to eat canned food for dinner
41- In medieval times, people used to attach a lamp to a horse when riding at night.
This is the earliest known form of saddle light navigation.
42- In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as?
They were known as fortune-tellers!
43- Why did King Arthur decide to have a roundtable in his court?
So that none of his knights could corner him!
44- How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
45- What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
46-Why did the medieval knight spend time polishing his armor before the Queen’s dinner party?
He wanted to arrive as a knight in shining armor!
47- What do you call a medieval horse in the army?
A knight-mare
48- What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200’s?
Medieval Knievel
49- Why was the medieval man such an a-hole on the plane ride?
Because U-KNIGHTED AIRLINES
50- The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
51- Why did the knight stop fighting?
Because he was getting a little knight-mare!
52- How do you get a knight to stop charging?
Take away his credit card!
53- Why did the medieval doctor carry a red pen?
In case he needed to draw blood!
54- Why was the blacksmith sad?
He was in a bit of a metal state!
55- What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render!
