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55 Police Jokes That Will Make You Surrender…To The Laughter

Get Ready to Cop a Smile: Hilarious Police Jokes That’ll Arrest Your Funny Bone!

Humor is an important part of our lives. It helps us relieve stress and cope with difficult situations. Jokes have been around for centuries, and police jokes are no exception. These police jokes poke fun at the men and women in blue and their jobs, and while they may not always be politically correct, they can still be hilarious.

Police officers are often seen as serious and authoritative figures, but they also have a sense of humor. Police jokes are a great way to break the ice, ease tension, and lighten the mood. But, don’t try any of the police jokes when you are driving and get pulled over by the police. They’re also a great way for people to relate to police officers and build a positive relationship between law enforcement and the community.

Police jokes can be a great way to break the tension and lighten the mood in serious situations. It’s important for police officers to have a sense of humor, and for the community to feel comfortable around them. These police jokes may be silly, but they can have a real impact on building positive relationships between law enforcement and the people they serve.

Here are some classic police jokes that will make you chuckle:

1- Female Police Officer: “Anything you say can or will be held against you.”
Me: “Tits.”

2- Officer: “Why did you park here?”
Me: “The sign says, ‘Fine for parking.’”

3- What do you call a female police officer playing guitar?
She-riff.

4- Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes the police. Open up!

5- Officer: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
Me: “You were bored and wanted some company?”

6- What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mugshot?
A cellfie.

7- Police: “Open up!” … Me: “NO! You’re gonna yell at me

8- Officer: “I notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”
Driver: “I noticed your eyes are glazed over. Have you been eating donuts?”

9- Why is a traffic cop the strongest man in the world?
Because he can stop a 10-ton truck by holding up his hand!

10- Did you hear that the energizer bunny was arrested?
He was charged with battery.

11- What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You’re under a vest!

12- Judge: “I thought I said that I never wanted to see you in here again.”
Criminal: “That’s what I kept telling the arresting officer, but he wouldn’t listen.”

13- One fire truck and 20 cops show up to a call. What happened?
Dunkin Donuts burnt down.

14- How do you know if a police officer is gay?
The smell of his mustache.

15- My wife put on a sexy officer outfit and arrested me on suspicion of being good in bed. After a short trial, I was found not guilty.

16- Why did the thief wear blue gloves?
He didn’t want to be caught red-handed.

17- Why did the book join the police?
He wanted to go undercover!

18- Officer: “Do you know how fast you were going?”
Driver: “Sorry, I was just trying to catch up with traffic.” Officer: “There is no traffic. This highway is completely empty.” Driver: “That’s what I’m telling you — I’m really far behind.”

19- Did you hear the celery got arrested?
They charged him with stalking.

20- A man in an interrogation room says I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.
Police: “You are the lawyer.”
Lawyer: “Exactly, so where’s my present?”

21- Women are like the police. They can have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession.

22- Why did the coffee call 911?
It was mugged.

23- What’s the difference between a computer and a police officer?
One has troubleshooting.

24- Tourist: “Are you a policeman?”
Officer: “No, I am an undercover detective.”
Tourist: “So, why are you in uniform?”
Officer: “Today is my day off.”

25- “A police officer pulled me over and said, “Papers?” I said, “Scissors, I win,” and drove off. He must have wanted a rematch because he has been chasing me for 45 minutes.”

26- Did you hear about the criminal who stole a lamp?
He got a very light sentence.

27- A police officer is driving down the freeway when he looks over and spots a granny knitting whilst balancing the steering wheel with her knees. He pulls alongside the granny, and angrily shouts “Pull over!” The granny shouts back, “No, it’s a scarf”

28- Cop: “Do you have any idea how fast you were going?”
Driver: “Isn’t it your job to tell me?

29- How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None they just beat the room for being black.

30- “So a police officer knocked on my door this morning. He asked, ‘Sir we believe your dog has been chasing a boy up the road on his bike.’ I replied, ‘Sorry officer, you must have the wrong house. My dog doesn’t own a bike.'”

31- When caught speeding, an airman on leave tried to talk an officer out of giving him a ticket.
He asked, “Would it make a difference if I told you I’m in the Air Force?” The police officer replied, “Yes, but only if you were driving an airplane.”

32- Police Officer: “How high are you?” Pothead: “No officer, it’s “Hi, How are you?”

33- Why did the officer give the ghost a ticket?
It didn’t have a haunting license.

34- Heisenberg and Schroedinger are driving together, but they get stopped by a police officer.
The officer asks, “Did you know you were driving at 75 mph?”
Heisenberg sighs, “Oh great, now we’re lost.”
The officer is unhappy, and checks the car’s trunk. He asks, “And why is there a dead cat in here?”
Schroedinger grumbles, “Well there is NOW!”

35- Police Officer: “I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.”
Man: “Wait I can explain everything.”

36- What’s black and always in the back of a police car? The seat.

37- There’s a man in the town who’s stealing the wheels of police cars. The police are working tirelessly to catch him.

38- “I got a call from the police station saying they want to interview me. Funny… I don’t remember applying for a job there.”

39- An officer comes across a man who is clearly under the influence.
He says to the man, “We’re going to have to give you a drug test.” Without hesitation, the man replies, “Cool, which drugs are we testing?”

40- How do cops greet people?
Policed to meet you!

41- Police Officer: “You’re driving on the wrong side of the road.”
Driver: “Sorry, I’m English.”
Police officer: (shouting) “Oii! It’s the rong soid of the roade ye was droivin down, innit?”

42- Why did the police officer arrest the skeleton?
They could see the joint in his hand.

43- Man got pulled over and his vape was in his cup holder.
The officer said: “You know, the news says those things are killing people.”
Man chuckled and said: “They’re saying the same thing about you guys.”
“He didn’t laugh.”

44- What does a police officer and a DJ have in common?
They both tell drunk people to put their hands up.

45- Why was the police officer sleeping on the job?
He was under cover.

46- Why did the cat get pulled over by the police?
Because it “littered”

47- An officer came up to me and asked, “Where were you between 4 and 6?”
I responded, “Kindergarten.”

48- Cop: “When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.”
Driver: “You’re wrong, officer. It’s only my hat that makes me look that old.”

49- Dear rappers, please stop putting police sirens in your music. When I’m driving it scares the crap out of me.

50- A drunk wakes up in jail, “Why am I here officer?”
“For drinking.” replies the officer.
“Great” says the man. “When do we start?”

51. Why did the police let Van Gogh?
He had an eartight alibi.

52. Did you hear about the dogs stolen from the dog walker?
The police are scratching their heads, they have no leads!

53. What happened when the wig got stolen?
Police combed the area!

54. Have you noticed why policemen are such great musicians?
Because they’re always on the beat!

55. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police, hurry up! It’s getting chilly out here!

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