30 Guy Walks into a Bar Jokes That Will Knock You Off Your Stool

Get Ready for a Barrel of Laughs with These “Guy Walks into a Bar Jokes”

Prepare yourself for a collection of “Guy Walks into a Bar Jokes” that are guaranteed to leave you in stitches. These jokes have a knack for delivering unexpected punchlines that will have you laughing so hard, you might just lose your balance. Whether you’re sharing these jokes with friends at a bar or entertaining guests at a party, their universal appeal and witty humor make them a hit in any setting. From clever wordplay to hilarious scenarios, each joke in this collection promises to keep you entertained and eagerly waiting for the next punchline.

So, sit back, relax, and get ready to enjoy a round of “Guy Walks into a Bar Jokes” that will knock you off your stool with laughter.

1- Guy walks into a bar and yells, “All lawyers are assholes.”
The man at the end of the bar says” I object to that remark”.
The guy responds: “Why, are you a lawyer?”
“No, I’m an asshole”, says the man.”

2- A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says,
“Boy, I wish I could do that.”
The Bartender replies, “You’d better try petting him first.””

3- A guy walks in……ok, he did not walk in, he was already there. One guy says, “I slept with my wife before we were married, did you?”. The other guy says, “I don’t know, what was her maiden name?”

4- A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for nine martinis. The bartender is intrigued asks why such a strange number.
“I’m celebrating my first blow job.”
“Oh, in that case I’ll give you one on the house. Have ten.”
“No, don’t bother. If nine don’t get the taste out of my mouth I don’t think ten will.””

5- Two dragons walk into a bar.
The first one says, “It sure is hot in here.”
His friend snaps back, “Shut your mouth!””

6- A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to a beautiful blonde.
She leans over and whispers to him, ‘I’ll do anything you ask for $200, as long as you can ask me in no more than three words.’
The man whispers back, ‘paint my house.'”

7- A guy walks into a bar and says, “Ouch.”

8- A guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch. The bartender says, “Pal, if you want a punch, you’ll have to stand in line.” The guy looks around, but there is no punch line.

9- A guy walks into a bar and orders three beers. The bartender gives them to him, and he drinks them one after another. The next day, he comes in and orders three more beers and drinks them one after another. This goes on for a while until the bartender finally asks him, “Why do you always order three beers?” The guy replies, “I have two brothers, and we used to drink together every night. Now that they live far away, we each drink three beers every night to remember the good times.” The next day, the guy comes in and orders two beers. The bartender says, “Did something happen to one of your brothers?” The guy replies, “No, I just decided to quit drinking.”

10- A guy walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before the trouble starts.” The bartender gives him a beer. After he finishes, he orders another, again saying, “Give me a beer before the trouble starts.” The bartender asks, “When is the trouble going to start?” The guy says, “As soon as you find out I don’t have any money.”

11- A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. Suddenly, he hears a voice say, “Nice tie!” He looks around but doesn’t see anyone. He takes another sip and hears, “Great haircut!” He asks the bartender, “Did you hear that?” The bartender says, “Oh, it’s the peanuts. They’re complimentary.”

12- A guy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the finest whiskey. The bartender lines them up, and the guy drinks them all down, one after another. The bartender says, “Wow, you must be having a rough day.” The guy says, “You’d drink this fast too if you had what I have.” The bartender asks, “What do you have?” The guy replies, “75 cents.”

13- A Skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

14- A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”

15- A Termite walks into a bar and asks “hey, is your bar tender here?”

16- A Snail walks into a bar and orders a drink, bartender says “we don’t serve your kind” and throws him out the door. Two weeks later the same snail comes back and says to the bartender “what the hell was that for?””

17- A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey we have a drink named after you!” Grasshopper says “You have a drink named Steve?”

18- A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, “Can I help you?” The duck says, “Yeah, can you get this guy off my butt?”

19- A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit, What’ll you have? The rabbit says, I don’t know, I’m just here because of the autocorrect.

20- A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. They sit down and start drinking. After a while, the giraffe passes out on the floor. The guy gets up to leave, and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The guy says, “It’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.”

21- A man walks into a bar and sees a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling. The bartender tells him if he can jump up and touch the meat, he gets free drinks all night. If he misses, he has to buy everyone in the bar a drink.
The man looks at the meat, looks at the bartender, looks back at the meat, and says…
“Nah, those steaks are too high.””

22- A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender,
“Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?”
The bartender shakes his head and says, “No, we only have plain.””

“23- A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender says, “I can’t serve you.”
The mushroom says, “Why not? I’m a fun-guy.””

24- A nose walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says, “Sorry, I can’t serve you. You’re already off your face.”

25- A screwdriver rolls into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The screwdriver squeals, “You have a drink named James??”

26- A horse walked into a bar and the bartender asked, “Why the long face?”

27- A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

28- Two vampires walked into a bar. “I’ll have a glass of blood,” said one. “I’ll have a glass of plasma,” said the other. “Okay,” replied the bartender, “That’ll be… one blood and one blood lite…”

29- A roman walks into a bar with his 2 fingers up in the air like a peace sign and says, “bartender, pour me 5 beers.”

30- An Irishman walks out of a bar… Yes, it really could happen!