55 Funny Roasts That Will Make Your Friends & Foes Weep with Laughter

A Collection of Funny Roasts for Every Occasion

Laughter is truly the best medicine, and when it comes to good-natured humor, roasting is a time-honored tradition that never fails to bring people together. Funny roasts has the power to leave your friends and foes rolling on the floor, gasping for breath between fits of laughter.

Funny roasts have the power to bring joy, laughter, and an undeniable sense of camaraderie. The key to a successful funny roasts lies in maintaining a playful and light-hearted approach, ensuring that everyone is having a good time. Remember, the goal is to make people weep with laughter, not tears of hurt or offense. So, embrace your wit, tap into your comedic genius, and get ready to roast your friends and foes in a way that leaves them rolling on the floor with laughter.

In this article, we delve into the art of crafting funny roasts that are guaranteed to have everyone in tears of mirth.

1- Whatever doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.

2- You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.

3- You are like a software update. Every time I see you, I immediately think “not now.”

4- You have such a beautiful face… But let’s put a bag over that personality.

5- Accidents happen; the proof is sitting right there.

6- I would smack you, but I’m against animal abuse.

Funny Roasts 2 FG 1

7- You’re not that ugly, I guess. I mean, my middle finger gets a boner every time it sees you!

8- You’re my favorite person… besides every other person I’ve ever met.

9- I bet I could remove 90% of your good looks with a moist towelette.

10- When you start talking, I stop listening.

11- Did you know your incubator had tinted windows? That explains a lot.

12- You are what happens when women drink during pregnancy.

13- I’ve heard a smarter statement come out in a fart.

14- I told my therapist about you; she didn’t believe me.

15- You haven’t changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.

16- Whoever told you to be yourself, gave you a bad advice.

17- I look at you and think… two billion years of evolution for this?

18- Were you born on the highway?

That is where most accidents happen.

19- Everyone is entitled to one, but yours is always the incorrect opinion.

20- If I throw a stick, will you leave me too?

21- I’d give you a nasty look, but it seems like you’ve already got one.

22- The last time I saw something like you, it was behind metal grids.

23- You’re so irritating you should come with a warning label

24- When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time… and walk past.

25- Sorry I can’t think of an insult dumb enough for you to understand.

26- I might be fully vaccinated but I’m still not going to hang out with you.

27- You have a face that makes onions cry.

28- I don’t hate you, but if you were drowning, I would give you a high five.

29- I think you just need a high five… in the face… with a chair.

30- You are even more useless than the ‘ueue’ in queue.

31- You’re like the first slice of bread in a loaf. You get touched by everybody but wanted by none.

32- Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parent’s job.

33- Light travels faster than sound. This must be why you appear bright until you open your mouth.

34- Sweetheart, the only thing bothering me is that thing between your ears.

35- There is someone out there for everyone. For you, it’s a therapist.

36- Oh, sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours?

37- Somewhere out there a tree is producing oxygen for you. What a shame.

38- You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo bottles.

39- Roasting you isn’t easy. It’s hard enough to imagine you with a personality.

40- Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology

41- You remind me of a cloud; when you disappear, my day gets that much brighter.

42- Have a nice day… somewhere else.

43- Everybody brings happiness to a room. You just do it when you leave!

44- You are the sun in my life… now get 93 million miles away from me.

45- You’re the reason the gene pool should really have lifeguards.

46- Your secrets are always safe with me. I don’t even listen when you share them.

47- Your bad personality is the reason I prefer animals to humans.

48- I’m not saying you’re ugly, but you’re the reason God created miscarriages!

49- Do you think your parents realize that they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?

50- When I look at you, I can’t help but wonder, how the hell were you the fastest sperm?

51- You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.

52- I’m not saying I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.

53- You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.

54- I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you never use it.

55- I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.


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Written by ChameleonMemes

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