Family time is precious and should be cherished. But let’s face it, sometimes it can be a little boring. That’s why it’s important to have some clean jokes up your sleeve to make the whole family laugh and bond together. No one likes a stale atmosphere, so why not spice things up with some jokes that are sure to get everyone giggling?
From hlarious puns and funny one-liners, there are so many different types of clean jokes that are appropriate for all ages. The best part is that these clean jokes are easy to remember and can be retold again and again, creating a shared family memory that will last for years to come. Who knows, you may even start a new family tradition of telling jokes during family time!
So, the next time you’re gathered around the dinner table or spending a lazy afternoon at home, try out some of these clean jokes and watch as the whole family lights up with laughter. Just remember to keep it appropriate and family-friendly, as the last thing you want is to offend anyone. With a little bit of humor and a whole lot of love, your family time is sure to become even more fun and memorable.
1- What do dentists call their x-rays?
2- My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
3- What does a house wear?
4- What do you call a religious person who sleepwalks?
A roamin’ Catholic.
5- What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
6- What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
7- I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance.
8- Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.
9- How do you measure a snake?
In inches—they don’t have feet.
10- Secretary: “Doctor, the invisible man has come. He says he has an appointment.”
Doctor: “Tell him I can’t see him.”
11- What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
12- Q: Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?
A: Their bats flew away.
13- What did the toilet roll complain about?
“People just keep ripping me off!”
14- There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (…Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.)
15- Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?
There was no chemistry.
16- I tried to catch fog yesterday. I mist.
17- What is red and smells like blue paint?
18- A man got hit hard in the head with a can of 7Up. He’s alright though, it was a soft drink.
19- What should you do if you’re attacked by a group of clowns?
Go straight for the juggler.
20- Does your dog bite?
Oh, so how do you feed him?
21- I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
But if anything, it made him more sluggish.
22- Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
23- Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Mother: Why didn’t you use a coaster!
24- What bow can’t be tied? A rainbow.
25- Why didn’t the dinosaur cross the road?
Because there weren’t even any roads during the Jurassic Period!
26- Q: What goes up and down but does not move?
27- How does NASA organize a party?
28- Want to hear a roof joke?
The first one’s on the house.
29- Paul: “I’ve got problems with mathematics.”
Michael: “Me too.”
Eric: “Yeah, that makes four of us.”
30- Why did the taxi driver get fired?
Passengers didn’t like it when she went the extra mile.
31- Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.
32- What time does a duck wake up?
The quack of dawn.
33- How do mountains stay warm in the winter?
34- Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
35- I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals. Sadly, no pun in 10 did.
36- Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!
37- What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
The same middle name.
38- Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
39- Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be 300 dollars.
Driver: Alright, go ahead. They want twice as much as that at the garage.
40- Q: Where should a 500 pound alien go?
A: On a diet
41- The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is…
Wait, where are we again?
42- I burnt 1500 calories yesterday. I left a cake in the oven for too long.
43- A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
44- What do you call a pile of kittens?
45- What do you call a parade of rabbits marching backward?
A receding hare line.
46- Q: What did one toilet say to the other?
A: You look a bit flushed.
47- Q: Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?
A: Because he was always spotted.
48- What did the frustrated cat say?
“Are you kitten me right meow?”
49- How does a dog stop a video?
By hitting the paws button.
50- She: I have a doctor’s appointment today but I really don’t want to go…
He: Just call in sick then.