ChameleonMemes
Dark humor, the type of humor that often makes you cringe before you laugh, can be a bit polarizing. Some people love it, while others find it tasteless or offensive. But if you’re someone who enjoys a good dark humor jokes, then you’re in luck! We’ve compiled a list of dark humor jokes that are sure to make you burn with laughter (figuratively speaking, of course).
Now, before we dive into the jokes, we want to give a fair warning that these jokes are not for the faint of heart. They touch on topics that some people might find sensitive or triggering. However, if you have a twisted sense of humor and are ready to embrace the darkness, then read on.
With that said, let’s get into the jokes. From dark humor memes to dark puns to morbid one-liners to dark humor jokes, there’s something for everyone on this list.
So, sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh at dark humor jokes you probably shouldn’t be laughing at.
1- Fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?
Just switch off the lights.
2- At a first date:
He: “I work with animals every day!”
She: “Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?”
He: “I’m a butcher.”
3- What do you give an armless child for Christmas?
Nothing, he wouldn’t be able to open it anyways.
4- Father looks at his teenage son, “James, you’ve been adopted.”
James jumps up, “Adopted! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”
Father laughs, “No no, James, we are your biological parents. But you need to get packing, your new parents will be here in an hour.”
5- You cant say that hitler was bad through and through.
He did kill hitler afterall
6- If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
7- I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.
I was about to run and tell my wife, when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden…
8- Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people
9- Boy: “Mom, can I have a dog for Christmas, please?”
Mom: “No, you’re getting turkey, like every year!“
10- Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
11- I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read.
12- My grandfather lost his tongue during WW2
He never talks about it.
13- A box of condoms, please.
That’ll be 3,99. Do you want a bag with it?
Nah I’m OK. She’s actually quite pretty.
14- Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
15- My therapist said time heals all wounds. So I stabbed her.
16- Kamikaze pilot instructor:
“OK, listen up, and listen up closely. I don’t want to have to repeat myself to you again tomorrow!”
17- My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade
18- The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight. I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.
19- I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
20- I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
21- Why did the man miss the funeral??? He wasn’t a mourning person
22- Patient: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”
Doctor: “To the morgue.”
Patient: “What? But I’m not dead yet!”
Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”
23- What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.
24- If you think I would joke about Alzheimer’s, forget it.
25- My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
26- My butt hair is so long, it made it to the Guinness Book of Records. Not for long though. They threw me out of the library pretty quickly.
27- ow can you tell your acne is really starting to get out of hand?
The blind start reading your face.
28- I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother
29- There’s an evil rumor going around that I’m a hardcore gambler. I don’t know what bastard is spreading such lies, but I’d bet serious money on it being Mike.
30- It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
31- It really makes me mad when I hear idiots saying that women belong in the kitchen. Such crap. Who would clean the rest of the house?!
32- I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds, though, and only once.
33- Am I beautiful, George?
You’re like the Sun! It’s painful looking at you.
34- My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
35- My grandparents fought during World War II.
They ended up getting a divorce.
36- Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
37- Option 1: Let’s eat grandma.
Option 2: Let’s eat, grandma.
There you have it. Proof that punctuation saves lives.
38- Why did two Asian parents have an Asian baby?
Because two wongs don’t make a white
39- Patient: “Doctor, I just feel so invisible, ignored… Like I didn’t even exist…”
Doctor: “Next!”
40- You know you’re ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
41- Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
42- Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
43- Shout out to my grandma since that’s the only way she can hear you.
44- Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you.
But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
45- For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
46- Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
47- Life is like a peepee
It’s often hard for no reason
48- Today I found my first grey pubic hair. I got really excited, but not as much as the other people in the lift.
49- What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
50- My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped, though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
