60 Funny Insults That Will Leave Your Opponent Speechless

Master the Art of Wit: Funny Insults Guaranteed to Silence Your Foes

There are times when you need to respond to an insult with another insult. But what if you want to come back with something that will leave your opponent speechless? This is where funny insults come in handy. Not only do they serve the purpose of putting someone in their place, but they also make the other person laugh, easing the tension in a situation.

These funny insults are not meant to be taken seriously, but rather as a way to inject humor into a situation. They can be used to lighten the mood and take the edge off a tense moment. Remember, it’s all about the delivery. If you can deliver these insults with a smile and a twinkle in your eye, you’ll leave your opponent speechless and laughing.

In conclusion, funny insults are a great way to respond to an insult without escalating the situation. They serve the purpose of putting someone in their place, but they do it in a way that is lighthearted and fun. So, the next time someone insults you, try responding with one of these funny insults and see how they react. They may be left speechless, but they’ll definitely be laughing.

Here are some funny insults that are sure to leave your opponent speechless:

Friend thinks he is smart

1- My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

2- Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.

3- Did you hear about the two bald guys who put their heads together? They made an ass out of themselves!

4- One woman I was dating called and said, “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.

5- You have so many gaps in your teeth, it looks like your tongue is in jail.

6- Teacher: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?” Student: “Meat!” Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?” Student: “Bacon!” Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?” Student: “Homework!”

7- Wipe your mouth, there’s still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips.

8- Kid 1: “Hey, I bet you’re still a virgin.” Kid 2: “Yeah, I was a virgin until last night .” Kid 1: “As if.” Kid 2: “Yeah, just ask your sister.” Kid 1: “I don’t have a sister.” Kid 2: “You will in about nine months.”

9- A wife asked her husband, “What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?” He looked at her from head to toe and replied, “I like your sense of humor!”

10- You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.

11- Girl: “Girls are better than boys.” Boy: “Then why did God make boys first?” Girl: “Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy.”

12- A mother said to her son, “Look at that kid over there; he’s not misbehaving.” The son replied, “Maybe he has good parents then!”

13- You’re so dumb that you got hit by a parked car.

14- Your teeth are so big when you sneeze you bite your chest.

15- Why doesn’t Mexico have a Olympic team? Because everybody that can run, jump, and swim are already in the U.S

16- Please shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.

17- A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

18- I never forget a face! But in your case I’ll make an exception!

19- You know you’re getting fat when you say you’re fat in front of your friends and nobody corrects you.

20- The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.

21- You are so ugly, the last time you got a piece of ass was when your hand slipped through the toilet paper.

22- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

23- Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent!

24- You’re so fat that when you got on the scales they said “I need your weight not your phone number”

25- Guy Telling Fatboy Joke: Hey fat kid, why are you so damn fat?
Fatboy: Because every time I sleep with your mother she gives me a cake.

26- You’ve got your head so far up your ass you can chew your food twice.

27- You are the reason a bottle of shampoo has direction.

28- I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

29- Whenever your ex says, “You’ll never find someone like me,” the answer to that is, “That’s the point.”

30- Behind every fat woman there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, your in the way.

31- You’re lucky mirrors don’t talk, or laugh for that matter.

32- A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, “If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady.” He replies, “If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself.”

33- If your gonna be two faced, honey at least make one of them pretty.

34- You’re so fat you’re the reason why the Earth is tilted.

35- Insult: If you were any dumber, your head would implode.

Response: If you were a little bit more intelligent you’d still be stupid.

36- If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

37- If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn’t say “Hi” to people. I’d say “BOO!”

38- It’s better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

39- I guess you prove that even god makes mistakes sometimes.

40- Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside.

41- Bob: “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Joe: “To get to the idiot’s house.” Bob: “Knock knock.” Joe: “Who’s there?” Bob: “The chicken.”

42- You’re so ugly, your husband takes you with him everywhere he goes, so he doesn’t have to kiss you goodbye.

43- Girlfriend: “Am I pretty or ugly?” Boyfriend: “You’re both.” Girlfriend: “What do you mean?” Boyfriend: “You’re pretty ugly.”

44- You’re so stupid, you threw a rock at the ground and missed.

45- An old teacher asked her student, “If I say, ‘I am beautiful,’ which tense is that?” The student replied, “It is obviously past.”

46- Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

47- Q: Why can’t orphans play baseball? A: Because they don’t know where home is.

48- A husband says to his wife, “You know, our son got his brain from me.” The wife replies, “I think he did. I still got mine with me!”

49- If I throw a stick, will you go away?

50- Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable… like a coma.

51- I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

52- I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you came unarmed.

53- You’re not completely useless; you can always serve as a bad example.

54- “I’d insult you, but nature already did a fine job.

55- If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

56- You’re not just a clown; you’re the entire circus.

57- I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons.

58- You’re not just a trainwreck; you’re the entire derailment.

59- I’m jealous of people who haven’t met you.

60- If you had a dollar for every brain you don’t have, you’d be bankrupt.


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