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40 Two Liner Jokes That Are Perfect for Any Occasion

Get Ready to Laugh with These Quick and Hilarious Two Liner Jokes!

Laughter is a universal language that knows no boundaries. Whether you’re at a party, a family gathering, or even a corporate meeting, two liner jokes can lighten the mood and bring people together.

In this article, we present you with 40 two-liner jokes that are perfect for any occasion. These quick-funny witted zingers will have everyone in stitches and ensure a fun-filled atmosphere wherever you are.

So, get ready to spread some laughter with these versatile two-liner jokes!

Two Liner Jokes

1- Q: What did one plate say to the other plate?
A: The food is on me!


2- Our family has a serious issue with diarrhea.
I guess you could say it runs in our jeans.

Two liner jokes FG 1


3- What’s the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly but a fly can’t bird.


4- What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter, it will never come.


5- What’s yellow and hurts when it gets in your eye?
A bulldozer.


6- Did you hear about the invention of the wheel?
They say it started a revolution.


7- What’s green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A pool table.


8- What did Zero say to number Eight?
sigh “Nice belt.”


9- I went to a very emotional wedding last weekend.
Even the wedding cake was in tiers.


10- The the handicapped man who stole my purse.
You can hide, but you can’t run.


11- What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.


12- Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.


13- I wish I was a billionaire, just like my dad
Oh, so your dad was a billionaire?
No, he also wished he were.


14- Someone stole my mood ring.
I’m not sure how I feel about that.


15- I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
Now I live in constant fear.


16- You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.


17- What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.


18- The first rule of Alzheimer’s club…
Is don’t talk about chess club.


19- Remember…you are not completely useless.
You can always serve as a bad example.


20- Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.


21- Two blind dudes are fighting really viciously. How do you stop them?
You shout, “I’m betting on the dude with the knife!”


22- What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.


23- I entered ten puns in a pun contents hoping one would win.
But no pun in ten did.


24- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.


25- Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.


26- My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.
I said “40”


27- I broke up with my blind girlfriend the other day.
She never saw it coming.


28- Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
Because they might crack up!


29- Why can’t the T-Rex clap?
Because it’s dead.


30- I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know why.


31- How do you make a net?
You sew a bunch of holes together


32- Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they’d still be on the boat.


33- What’s grey and can’t swim?
A castle.


34 – How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.


35 – Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.

36- I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kat ads.


37- I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.

She gave me a hug.


38- Why don’t programmers like nature?

It has too many bugs.


39- Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.


40- Why don’t some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don’t work out.

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