ChameleonMemes
Get Ready to Laugh with These Quick and Hilarious Two Liner Jokes!
Laughter is a universal language that knows no boundaries. Whether you’re at a party, a family gathering, or even a corporate meeting, two liner jokes can lighten the mood and bring people together.
In this article, we present you with 40 two-liner jokes that are perfect for any occasion. These quick-funny witted zingers will have everyone in stitches and ensure a fun-filled atmosphere wherever you are.
So, get ready to spread some laughter with these versatile two-liner jokes!
Two Liner Jokes
1- Q: What did one plate say to the other plate?
A: The food is on me!
2- Our family has a serious issue with diarrhea.
I guess you could say it runs in our jeans.
3- What’s the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly but a fly can’t bird.
4- What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter, it will never come.
5- What’s yellow and hurts when it gets in your eye?
A bulldozer.
6- Did you hear about the invention of the wheel?
They say it started a revolution.
7- What’s green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A pool table.
8- What did Zero say to number Eight?
sigh “Nice belt.”
9- I went to a very emotional wedding last weekend.
Even the wedding cake was in tiers.
10- The the handicapped man who stole my purse.
You can hide, but you can’t run.
11- What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
12- Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.
13- I wish I was a billionaire, just like my dad
Oh, so your dad was a billionaire?
No, he also wished he were.
14- Someone stole my mood ring.
I’m not sure how I feel about that.
15- I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
Now I live in constant fear.
16- You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
17- What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
18- The first rule of Alzheimer’s club…
Is don’t talk about chess club.
19- Remember…you are not completely useless.
You can always serve as a bad example.
20- Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
21- Two blind dudes are fighting really viciously. How do you stop them?
You shout, “I’m betting on the dude with the knife!”
22- What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.
23- I entered ten puns in a pun contents hoping one would win.
But no pun in ten did.
24- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
25- Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
26- My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.
I said “40”
27- I broke up with my blind girlfriend the other day.
She never saw it coming.
28- Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
Because they might crack up!
29- Why can’t the T-Rex clap?
Because it’s dead.
30- I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know why.
31- How do you make a net?
You sew a bunch of holes together
32- Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they’d still be on the boat.
33- What’s grey and can’t swim?
A castle.
34 – How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
35 – Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
36- I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kat ads.
37- I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
38- Why don’t programmers like nature?
It has too many bugs.
39- Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
40- Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
