40 Two Liner Jokes That Are Perfect for Any Occasion

Get Ready to Laugh with These Quick and Hilarious Two Liner Jokes!

Laughter is a universal language that knows no boundaries. Whether you’re at a party, a family gathering, or even a corporate meeting, two liner jokes can lighten the mood and bring people together.

In this article, we present you with 40 two-liner jokes that are perfect for any occasion. These quick-funny witted zingers will have everyone in stitches and ensure a fun-filled atmosphere wherever you are.

So, get ready to spread some laughter with these versatile two-liner jokes!

Two Liner Jokes

1- Q: What did one plate say to the other plate?
A: The food is on me!

2- Our family has a serious issue with diarrhea.
I guess you could say it runs in our jeans.

Two liner jokes FG 1

3- What’s the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly but a fly can’t bird.

4- What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter, it will never come.

5- What’s yellow and hurts when it gets in your eye?
A bulldozer.

6- Did you hear about the invention of the wheel?
They say it started a revolution.

7- What’s green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A pool table.

8- What did Zero say to number Eight?
sigh “Nice belt.”

9- I went to a very emotional wedding last weekend.
Even the wedding cake was in tiers.

10- The the handicapped man who stole my purse.
You can hide, but you can’t run.

11- What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.

12- Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.

13- I wish I was a billionaire, just like my dad
Oh, so your dad was a billionaire?
No, he also wished he were.

14- Someone stole my mood ring.
I’m not sure how I feel about that.

15- I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
Now I live in constant fear.

16- You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

17- What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.

18- The first rule of Alzheimer’s club…
Is don’t talk about chess club.

19- Remember…you are not completely useless.
You can always serve as a bad example.

20- Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.

21- Two blind dudes are fighting really viciously. How do you stop them?
You shout, “I’m betting on the dude with the knife!”

22- What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?

23- I entered ten puns in a pun contents hoping one would win.
But no pun in ten did.

24- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.

25- Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.

26- My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.
I said “40”

27- I broke up with my blind girlfriend the other day.
She never saw it coming.

28- Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
Because they might crack up!

29- Why can’t the T-Rex clap?
Because it’s dead.

30- I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know why.

31- How do you make a net?
You sew a bunch of holes together

32- Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they’d still be on the boat.

33- What’s grey and can’t swim?
A castle.

34 – How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.

35 – Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.

36- I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kat ads.

37- I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.

She gave me a hug.

38- Why don’t programmers like nature?

It has too many bugs.

39- Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.

40- Why don’t some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don’t work out.


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