Not for the Faint of Heart: Dark Humor Jokes That Will Ignite Your Sense of Humor
Dark humor, the type of humor that often makes you cringe before you laugh, can be a bit polarizing. Some people love it, while others find it tasteless or offensive. But if you’re someone who enjoys a good dark humor jokes, then you’re in luck! We’ve compiled a list of dark humor jokes that are sure to make you burn with laughter (figuratively speaking, of course).
Now, before we dive into the jokes, we want to give a fair warning that these jokes are not for the faint of heart. They touch on topics that some people might find sensitive or triggering. However, if you have a twisted sense of humor and are ready to embrace the darkness, then read on.
With that said, let’s get into the jokes. From dark humor memes to dark puns to morbid one-liners to dark humor jokes, there’s something for everyone on this list.
So, sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh at dark humor jokes you probably shouldn’t be laughing at.
1- Fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?
Just switch off the lights.
2- At a first date:
He: โI work with animals every day!โ
She: โOh how sweet! What is it that you do?โ
He: โIโm a butcher.โ
3- What do you give an armless child for Christmas?
Nothing, he wouldnโt be able to open it anyways.
4- Father looks at his teenage son, โJames, youโve been adopted.โ
James jumps up, โAdopted! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!โ
Father laughs, โNo no, James, we are your biological parents. But you need to get packing, your new parents will be here in an hour.โ
5- You cant say that hitler was bad through and through.
He did kill hitler afterall
6- If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
7- I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.
I was about to run and tell my wife, when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the gardenโฆ
8- Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people
9- Boy: โMom, can I have a dog for Christmas, please?โ
Mom: โNo, youโre getting turkey, like every year!โ
10- Father talks to his 5-year-old son: โNo, Petie, you donโt have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.โ
11- I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He later told me it was the most violent book heโd ever read.
12- My grandfather lost his tongue during WW2
He never talks about it.
13- A box of condoms, please.
Thatโll be 3,99. Do you want a bag with it?
Nah Iโm OK. Sheโs actually quite pretty.
14- Give a man a match, and heโll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
15- My therapist said time heals all wounds. So I stabbed her.
16- Kamikaze pilot instructor:
โOK, listen up, and listen up closely. I donโt want to have to repeat myself to you again tomorrow!โ
17- My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade
18- The neighborโs children challenged me to a water fight. Iโm just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.
19- I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
20- I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
21- Why did the man miss the funeral??? He wasnโt a mourning person
22- Patient: โWhere exactly are you taking me, doctor?โ
Doctor: โTo the morgue.โ
Patient: โWhat? But Iโm not dead yet!โ
Doctor: โAnd weโre not there yet.โ
23- What do you call a dog with no legs?
It donโt matter what you call it. It ainโt coming.
24- If you think I would joke about Alzheimerโs, forget it.
25- My dad died when we couldnโt remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to โbe positive,โ but itโs hard without him.
26- My butt hair is so long, it made it to the Guinness Book of Records. Not for long though. They threw me out of the library pretty quickly.
27- ow can you tell your acne is really starting to get out of hand?
The blind start reading your face.
28- I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother
29- Thereโs an evil rumor going around that Iโm a hardcore gambler. I donโt know what bastard is spreading such lies, but Iโd bet serious money on it being Mike.
30- It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
Itโs true. I canโt remember the last time I ate a monkey.
31- It really makes me mad when I hear idiots saying that women belong in the kitchen. Such crap. Who would clean the rest of the house?!
32- I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds, though, and only once.
33- Am I beautiful, George?
Youโre like the Sun! Itโs painful looking at you.
34- My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
35- My grandparents fought during World War II.
They ended up getting a divorce.
36- Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldnโt see that well.
37- Option 1: Letโs eat grandma.
Option 2: Letโs eat, grandma.
There you have it. Proof that punctuation saves lives.
38- Why did two Asian parents have an Asian baby?
Because two wongs donโt make a white
39- Patient: โDoctor, I just feel so invisible, ignoredโฆ Like I didnโt even existโฆโ
Doctor: โNext!โ
40- You know you’re ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
41- Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them theyโre going to die.
42- Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
43- Shout out to my grandma since thatโs the only way she can hear you.
44- Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you.
But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
45- For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
46- Donโt challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless youโre prepared for the reaper cushions.
47- Life is like a peepee
Itโs often hard for no reason
48- Today I found my first grey pubic hair. I got really excited, but not as much as the other people in the lift.
49- What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
50- My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, โYouโll be next!โ They soon stopped, though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
51- An apple a day keeps the doctor awayโฆ unless you choke on it.
52- What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a dead body?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
53- Where do “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” have different meanings?
At a funeral.
54- How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad?
Stab it 23 times.
55- Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a morning person.
56– Whatโs the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver
The golfer goes WHACK โF**Kโ And the skydiver goes โF**Kโ WHACK
57– Americans do use the metric system…
Because they use 9mms at school.
58– I won $3 million in the lottery this weekend. I donated a quarter of it to charity.
Now Iโve got $2,999,999.75 left.
59– I got pulled over by a woman cop.
I rolled down my window and asked what was wrong. She said, โNothing.โ
60– I got kicked out of the hospital.
Turns out the sign โStroke patients hereโ didnโt mean what I thought it did.
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